Sudden Goodbye

 I started this message a long time ago.. but never finished it. So today I go back in time to write about the day my mother passed.

Mom's passing was sudden. She had been doing so well. On Wednesday the 6th she admitted to not feeling well but it seemed to be allergy related. However on Thursday morning she was in a great deal of pain and taken to the hospital. Things did not seem well and I could tell dad needed me. Ruth was shaken about her Yaya leaving in ambulance that morning so I dropped her with Carol (her former sitter and a good friend). I took off work and headed to Austin to be with Dad.

Things were worse than I expected. As it turns out mom had been screaming for hours "I'm Dying! I'm Dying!" when I got there she had stopped with that and was screaming "Help Me! Help Me!" and saying she was in so much pain and couldn't breathe. They took her on to ICU and we went to the waiting room while they got her set up. It was clear at this point she had an infection but the doctors were unsure where it originated. When they finally came to get us the news was not good. Just after entering ICU mom had stopped breathing. She was out long enough that blood had stopped flowing to her brain. They were able to bring her back but the outlook was not good. When we spoke with the doctor they brought a pastor with them. They'd never done that before.

We waited impatiently to be permitted to see her. I made call after call to friends and family for prayer and to have as many come to the hospital as possible. I knew her time was short. They finally brought her through to ICU but as they were getting her to the room she began to flat line again. They stabilized her and permitted us back. In tears my father kept telling her he loved her and that it was all going to be ok. He stepped out to speak with the doctor. Taking her hand I gave her assurance that we were fine.. I told her where Ruth was and that Missy (her niece) was on her way. I told her I loved her and didn't want to loose her but that we would be OK if it was her time. I knew she was in pain and suffering and I knew she wouldn't leave us unless she knew we would be alright. I didn't intend to say Good Bye but somehow that's what I was doing... that's what happened. 

 I stepped out for a second to see what was being said by the doctor. It didn't look good. Dad was going to have to make a choice: Did we keep trying to save her or put in place a DNT order (do not resuscitate). She had flat lined 4times by now and this is the one decision my Dad did not ever want to make. If by some miracle she survived she would likely be brain dead but we were accustomed to miracles. There had been many close calls but she had always survived. I suggested they continue to revive her a few more times.. maybe 3 or 4 but after that to let her pass peacefully.

 I don't know what was said next. I had never seen her flat line but at that moment she did and they began the shocks. When I saw her flop on the bed I couldn't handle it.. I ran out of the hospital crying. I don't know if Dad told them to stop or if they just couldn't bring her back. I never asked ... its not important. I didn't know it that time that she had passed... I didn't know for hours.

 I saw Jereme (a friend more like a brother) leaving the hospital... he said we could stay with him and his wife Inge that night and that my Dad was. I was confused. When I got upstairs our friends had arrived... my dad was crying and they were praying. It still wasn't hitting me that she had passed and they all assumed I knew.. they assumed that's why I had ran out. But I knew nothing. I'm not sure what was said next but I discovered she had passed... I quietly left against protests. I needed to be alone... I went to my car and after a great deal of crying I made the rest of the calls.

Mom.. I Love You... One day we will meet again... in Paradise. Rest in Peace.